Musings of: Frozen’s Let It Go & Change

I wrote most of this post over a month ago and then chickened out. I was thinking to myself, I don't think I'm ready for this kind of scrutiny. That may be right, however, I did feel like I had something to say. Also some controversial posts came out, which made me think I didn't want to be a part of that. I realized though that you choose what you want to see and this is what I saw. This is how it made me feel.

By raise of hands, how many of you out there had this song speak to your heart? Almost all of you…I thought so. Why is it that we can relate to a song telling us to Let It Go? What and why are we holding onto that makes us feel like we can’t show our true selves? Especially for women, do we feel like “conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know,” has become an integral part of life? Why is that?

Let’s start with the what that we hold onto. We have this “swirling storm inside” of us. It’s all the things we are responsible for; in addition to, all of our hopes and dreams. The storm that is responsibility: jobs, children, bills, family etc. Included in that storm are our aspirations of all the things we hope for, for ourselves, for our loved ones. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying let go of all your responsibilities. The key here is to let go of the worry, guilt, fear, and stress that make it so that the responsibilities overwhelm the adventure that is life. Do I have the perfect formula? Of course not! Everyone will have something that works for them. For me when the worry wave starts to crash against my shore and I feel like I’m going to drown I have to remember that I love the beach. Haha, no it means I look for my lighthouse. I look for the reason to break through, the light that guides me back to the walk along the sand. It also means I need some distance. Distance from the environment or situation. Sometimes we can get that distance when we blare our music and drive up Big Cottonwood canyon but when we can’t we need to force ourselves to view what’s going on from an objective distance. Getting lost in the moment happens so often that, of course, hindsight is 20/20. Trying to catch some of that hindsight early is the trick.

Change always starts in the same place. It starts with you, whether it's a change for yourself in your life or a change in the world. It always starts with the person you see in the mirror. The mirror is just a reflection of who we see. I believe we choose what we see. Change starts with a conscious effort of thought pattern change. For so long my thoughts were self-defeatist to the extreme. It's what I was taught. I would start trying to change, trying something new and halfway through it, I would end up sitting there lost in my own thought of, you can't you can't you can't, only to realize 20 minutes had gone by and I would have to stand up and just start doing something. It would happen again and again and I just have to keep standing up and continue working towards my goals. Change is constant. It has flow into almost every aspect of your life, so that the repetition sticks.

The why of what we hold onto being because we are constantly putting on a show/mask for others, “don’t let them in, don’t let them see, be the good girl you always have to be.” I feel like the Queen of Isolation, like if anyone were to really know what goes on in my crazy head they would give me that raised eyebrow look and call for a straightjacket, so I stay in my “Kingdom of Isolation.” It boils down to this idea of perfection. This ideal that is stuck in everyone’s mind, the picture that doesn’t exist, if someone were to look close enough there would be a flaw. A flaw, that in my opinion, would make it unique. Elsa's power spirals in frozen fractals, which fractals are uneven and irregular. Every snowflake is unique. Every diamond has a flaw. It's our uniqueness and our differences that make us beautiful, that in itself is perfect. The why for me is because of fear. For me it’s rejection, even as I am writing this I had to stop myself from stopping. The habit kicks in, stay hidden where you can’t get hurt. But does that really mean I’m not hurt? It doesn't. I think that most people need to be accepted somewhere. Even if you can say, I don’t care what people think, there is an innate desire inside most of us to belong somewhere. Everyone needs to feel needed. Here we are wanting to feel like people understand us, like we belong somewhere and yet so afraid to show our true selves. If we don't put ourselves out there, we'll never even have the chance to be accepted.

If you have ever read, “You Are Special” by Max Lucado, you'll know that the important thing is being so confident in yourself that the stickers can't stick. (Read it!) It goes back to what we choose to see in the mirror and having it be the outward reflection that we show people. We will choose to see ourselves as beautiful, confident, talented, intelligent, capable, caring, kind, and inspiring people such that everyone else sees it too.

I believe all of us have it within us to build our own beautiful ice castle, not to hide up on mountain but to share with the world. Letting go of the fear holding us back. For me this post was about letting it go. I am so afraid of putting myself out there when so many of my friends have blogs, talents, careers or families and I feel like I don’t have something unique. I do have talents to offer. I have potential that I don’t want to let go to waste any longer. I am ready to “test my limits and break through.” Corny as it may be that a Disney song really made me take a look, Disney rocks!